With books like ‘50 shades of grey’ emerging on the horizon and taking the whole book fanatic world by the storm, when I sit to ponder over the text, what bothers me is not the erotically provocative plot, but how ridiculous it is for a clever, witty, beautiful and righteous girl to fall for a guy who is the exact opposite of each of the said traits! It is baffling to say the least. The question remains to linger at the back of most of our heads: WHY DO WOMEN LIKE THE WRONG MEN?
Call it a shame, call it a pity, or call it just plain old sad miserable truth, but it is a fact that women are not so particular when it comes to choosing their men, or more like controlling who they fall for. However, it is safe to say when it comes to marriage, women will observe the men with a keen eye and pass them through various lenses before they strip down to each and every single detail and pick out their husbands. BUT, when it comes to high school sweethearts or the multiple college day ‘loves’, just lovers or dates, if women were to give out a penny for every wrong guy they dated, let’s just say they’d be broke by now! They don’t lie in the movies when they show a beautiful girl dating the cocky jerk of a jock who doesn’t leave any chance to embarrass his girlfriend, or when who you think is the love of your life turns out to be nothing but someone who sees you as just a booty call!
Lets’ explore the psychology of women and try to reach down to why on earth they fall for the ‘bad boys’!
Women like their men to be macho, possessive, attentive and good with words, you know-charismatic, and yes of course good looks are always welcome! What the problem here really is that these macho, roughly rugged, smooth talking pretty faces come with A LOT of baggage! The fact that they are so good with words is what gets them to win their conquests to begin with, and the good looks get you so googley-eyed you are forced to say ‘ What the hell, let’s do this!’. Sounds familiar? Well, this is how it starts. Then comes the charisma, the quirky smiles, being in a daze and living a dream, and all of sudden you see that the honeymoon phase is coming an end…now what? Now the possessiveness that was oh-so-cute turns into psychotic jealousy issues and the good looks are just another reason to be egotistical and self-obsessed. That’s when you promise yourself never again will you fall for such a shallow creep! But, once you bounce back, that’s exactly what you do: Fall for yet another egotistical maniac! Just because women are suckers for sweet talking and good looks. Sigh.
How many times have you gone on a date just because it’s been way too long since you went on one last and you think you need to make yourself more available and approachable? When you do that, you are bound to throw yourself at the first guy who walks your way, compliments you, makes you blush and giggle like a little girl and throws a few other standard classic bad-boy moves on you? Let’s face it, good girls like bad boys. Why? That’s a complicated question but to makes things simpler and sensible, maybe it’s just because opposites attract! If you think you are the only one stuck in this limbo, you’re not ALONE! We have all been there! But, that does not mean we sacrifice on our self-esteem and let loose like making a night out of dancing on table tops in the local bar! So, ladies, heads held up high, eyes open, no creeps allowed!
It is nothing to be embarrassed about, but it can very well lead to embarrassing situations: women have a higher libido than men. And so, one reason why women tend to fall for the ‘wrong men’, or the way it should be put more appropriately, ‘creepy scums’, is because women associate bad boys to automatically be more adventurous and exciting in bed AND generally in life, but mostly just bed! Women, for this one specific reason are drawn to bad boys like a flimsy out-of-control moth to a flickering flame. In fact, exactly like that, because even after burning their wings to ashes, they would still willingly go back to the same ferocious flame that destroyed their precious spirits and crushed their soul! Just because women can’t help but attach the intimacy aspect to sex more than men ever could, they end up getting hurt.
Maybe it is our need to get a ‘happy ending’ and live ‘happily ever after’, or maybe it’s our insecurities which keep us stuck in the rubble of a crumbling dysfunctional broken down relationship, either way, there is an underlying context to such a behavior. When we meet someone and the love is laid out thick on us, almost always overpowering and too good to be true,we feel like no matter what happens, we must keep authenticating it. This is when you’re thinking its true love, he’s the one, my sun and my stars, my moon and my universe! Once you’ve been made to experience that and been lavished with the false ‘love’, when signs of trouble begin to arise making these wrong men come to life, you try validating it and making a very visibly dysfunctional relationship work. Sounds familiar?
Here is why that happens: If you are a strong level headed woman who knows her direction in life, is motivated and driven and brought up in a style that promotes decision making and practicality, you will walk out of such a mess in a matter of seconds. But, if you are one of those women who is dictated by others, is indecisive and has always sought self-validation out of herself and in her partner, then to be precise, your boy has taken in a slave! Just because the good times were so good, do not ignore what’s harming you and churning your insides up.
My lovely ladies, you need to be your own self-validation guide with self-esteem limits and standards so high, men are left in awe and wonder as to how to please you, not dismiss you! First, you must be your own happy place and reach a place where you are satisfied with yourself and have a sense of fullness, as then only can you really look for a partner who will do you justice.
